You find out you’re being sexually harassed after the damage is done

sex·u·al ha·rass·ment
noun

harassment (typically of a woman) in a workplace, or other professional or social situation, involving the making of unwanted sexual advances or obscene remarks.

Lord knows, I’ve been sitting on this one for awhile. I’m ready.

Why didn’t you tell him to stop?

Two different people I looked up to in the company asked me why I didn’t just say no when they found out what happened. Oh…so, the problem isn’t that he was saying inappropriate things to me, the problem is that I didn’t tell him to stop. This is actually ALL my fault, right? I don’t know how decent of a person you think he is in the first place but hearing stop or don’t say that to me meant shit to him, trust me, I tried. I’m not the only one who has TRIED. I’m not the only one.

He was pretty proud of his accomplishments as his drunken mouth spilled them out at the bar. Most of the women he’s preyed upon didn’t even know they were being hunted. It’s sad…sick…twisted…

Here’s my issue with it, WHY DID YOU GIVE ME A REASON TO HAVE TO TELL YOU TO STOP? I trusted you. I respected you. You had to cross that line, like you do with every other female in your life regardless of the wedding ring on your finger.

It’s sad, really. There has to be something going on in your mind. There’s something missing in your life and you’re filling the hole with lust and affairs. I feel bad for you and I’m praying that whatever it is that is causing you to be the way you are, that you’ll be healed.

I forgive you.

How do you know it’s happening? What do you do?

I remember the day I couldn’t take it anymore. I finally realized what was happening. It clicked in my mind and my world shattered.

I’ve always been afraid of men. I can’t tell you where it stems from and/or why I have this issue. I dream of rape often. It’s disturbing, to say the least.When a man is walking towards me, you can probably feel the world tense up with me. Learning that, You can imagine how devastating this experience was…

I didn’t want to believe that I was actually encountering what I‘m so terrified of. It’s real. Sexual harassment happens OFTEN. We don’t hear about the majority of the cases because women feel scared, at fault, and/or they feel like nothing or no one will benefit from them telling someone.

Here’s what I learned from my own personal experience:

• Take control, immediately. I regret not being stronger. I regret not taking this seriously in the beginning. I regret letting this go on and on because I didn’t understand. This can happen to anyone, educate yourself and be aware. Luckily for me, I wasn’t physically abused but it can end up that way. Take control.
• If something happens in the workplace that instantly makes you think, “They should not have said that to me…” or “they should not have done that”, They probably shouldn’t have and you need to shut it down NOW. However you feel is best, shut it down.
• You shouldn’t have to feel uncomfortable at work. If there is something making you feel that way then I would talk to HR.
• Don’t work somewhere that doesn’t have an HR department and has over 10 employees.
• Email yourself with the date and what was said or done. You need to record everything that is inappropriate in the workplace. Save EVERYTHING. Text messages, Facebook messages, picture comments on social media. Screenshot everything and keep it safe.
• It’s not my fault, I’m not to blame. Yes, looking back, I could have handled some things differently but that thought starts and ends there.
• Do not even start creating excuses for him. He shouldn’t have put me in that situation. He should have respected boundaries. He needs to grow up. He needs to respect his marriage, his position, his rank. He needs to respect women in general. We are not walking objects that you can drool over, talk to however you want, or touch just because you feel like it.
• Don’t seek acceptance. Don’t try to convince anyone of anything. That will only hurt you more. You need to tell the people that absolutely need to know and leave it at that. Who cares what others think. Those who matter won’t mind and those who mind won’t matter. Nothing hurt more than when some close coworkers found out about the accusations and looked at me like a dramatic liar. He got away with it all with just a slap on the wrist. He also lied and said he didn’t say any of it and all of it was untrue. That was great and typical. Again, don’t seek acceptance, you know the truth and so does he/she. They have to live with that truth. Karma will come around. Karma ALWAYS comes around.
• Get out of the situation. Especially if the owners of the company don’t fire him/her for their actions, you need to be the one to leave. You’re sitting in a toxic environment that will only destroy you more.
• Unless you are dating that person or they are family, do not let someone in the work place buy you things. There could definitely be an ulterior motive there. Keep everything professional and appropriate.
• There’s a line between you and your boss and you and your coworkers. Do not step over that line. Nothing good will come out of it. Keep your distance, keep it professional, keep it at work.
• Don’t feed the fire. Don’t say it’s wrong one minute and then switch the script the next. You can’t be hot and cold with this. It’s not okay. Stop it, end it, and report it. He’s not a “friend” if he’s crossing that line. Do not protect him because you think you’re friends.
• Don’t lie to your loved ones. Tell your boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife immediately. Don’t delete text messages. Don’t try to protect that person.

If you’re reading this, I pray you become a better man.

If you are reading this and have experienced this, I pray you heal, forgive, and speak out.

To the ones who don’t understand: Just because you don’t understand something doesn’t make it any less painful and damaging. You won’t understand the pain of a stab until you’re truly stabbed with the same knife and I pray you never are.

We are finally becoming conscious of a vice that has been socially accepted and has insulted and humiliated millions of girls like me, for in every woman there is a girl. I am inspired by those who had the courage to speak out, especially in a society that elected a president who has been accused of sexual harassment and assault by more than a dozen women and whom we have all heard make a statement about how a man in power can do anything he wants to women.

Well, not anymore.